It’s Been A Long Time…

“…I shouldn’t have left you… Without a dope beat to step to.”

Anyone who really knows me, knows that I stanned hard for Aaliyah back in the day! But…. This isn’t about that. I’ve been gone a long time. I’m not really sorry. And yeah…

So here we are! Here. I. Am. And so much as changed since the last time I wrote here. JJ started Kindergarten. Ivy is in a Pre-K3 program. I got a tattoo… I turned 30. I’m still married… Depressed, sometimes, but mostly happy. But, I can say that I’m getting a little better at expressing my feelings.

Okay, that was a lie. Truth is… I’m still struggling with the truth. The parts of my life that have to remain unspoken. I’m dying on the inside, feeling like there isn’t anyone who understands my situation.

As much as I need to release this negative energy, I keep feeling like it’s never the right time. I can’t remember a time in my life where I was this confused and out of my mind. I’m hoping that this is like… a mini mid-life crisis, because I don’t want this to be life. This CAN’T be life.


Today’s #30Layers30Days prompt is Lurking. “When we ignore parts of ourselves, those parts act out in our lives in subtle ways.”1

What is the elephant in the room of your mind? What issue, big or small, are you avoiding because you feel you don’t have the time or energy to deal with it?

Is there only room for one elephant?! Let’s talk about the biggest one: marriage. My marriage is far from perfect. We are merely two people who exist and share a home and children. There’s the smaller issue of communication, which makes up a large part of the big issue. We don’t communicate. When we do, it usually results in an argument. I’m tired of arguing.

It’s easier to avoid talking about it because it’s such a draining topic. It sucks the life out of me, and nothing ever gets accomplished. So why bother, right?

  1. Quoted from GG Renee []

Thank You

Today’s #30Layers30Days prompt is Thank You.

Who do you want to thank for inspiring you? Not necessarily your biggest fan like Day 13, but what person has had a powerful impact on your life and helped you to change in a positive way? This could be a person you know or a public figure. Either way, write a note of thanks to this person.

The person that I would like to thank is my husband. We’ve been through so much together, and it’s made both of us better people.

Dear Husband:

I love you. I know you probably don’t believe me when I say it, but it’s true. I. Love. You. I want to say thank you. We’ve had our shares of ups & downs, but we’ve made it this far. I didn’t really know who I was when I met you. I still struggle with who I am, lol! But, you helped me to become the person I am today. Somewhat outspoken… and don’t take any mess from anyone. It sucks that I use those same skills that you taught me against you, and I’ll try to do better with that. Really.

I thank you for making me a mother to two of the most awesome kids ever. I thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to make changes in my life. I thank you for loving me. I thank you for being you. Even though we are in a rough patch, I know that I can count on you to be there for me. I think we’ll be just fine…


Oh Happy Day

Today’s #30Layers30Days prompt is “Oh Happy Day”.

Describe your ideal day in the life. How would you spend your day? What type of work would you do? What would you eat and who would you be around? What would you wear and where would you go? Most importantly, how would you feel?

My ideal day would be spent on the beaches of Tampa, FL. I can’t say that I’d be doing any work, though. Simply because I am in need of a vacation. A serious vacation! My husband would definitely be there. It would be a great opportunity to get away and fix some things between us. I can see us having a picnic in the sand with the ocean beating against the coast and a light breeze. I would pack healthy things for us to eat. Definitely wouldn’t leave out the chocolate covered strawberries. I’d be wearing a cute one piece suit… The cutout style in black.

I would feel happy. A lot of issues that I have with life is that I never take the opportunity to get away. I need that in my life. For my sanity, and the sanity of others around me.

I must find a way to make this happen.